Disappointment

21 Feb

I hate disappointment.

I hate being disappointed. I hate going to watch a movie or reading book, and being left unsatisfied. I hate expecting a person to be better than that, when they really aren’t. I hate counting on someone who can’t be counted upon. I hate realizing that the ones I trusted betrayed my trust. I hate people making promises they know they’ll never keep. I hate the sadness that comes with being let down. I hate the way it leaves me feeling drained and lethargic. I hate being disappointed.

I hate disappointing others. I hate telling someone I will do something, and not being able to do so. I hate letting others down. I hate not being able to hold my end of the deal. I hate falling short of other peoples’ standards. I hate being someone they used to be able to trust. I hate telling my parents that I didn’t make it. I hate feeling useless and worthless. I hate the looks on peoples’ faces when they’re disappointed. I hate not being good enough, no matter how hard I try. I hate disappointing others.

And lately, all I ever seem to feel is disappointment, and am constantly disappointing others. The feeling that I’m not worthy and that I’ll never be worthy, lingers in my mind. Perhaps if I lower my expectations, or perhaps if I stop caring so much what other people think, I can stop feeling this way. But I can’t. Thus, my life will continue to revolve around disappointment.

 

perfectlonelyworld

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