Tag Archives: Love

One More Time

21 Jan

When I no longer answer your calls,

It’s not a sign that I no longer love you

As I watch the phone ring on and on and on,

The agony inside me tears a hole through my chest.

 

When I ignore your texts in a fleeting moment’s decision,

I dwell on the sound of your voice in my head, calling my name

I long for your hands that used to hold me so close,

And I sink into your warmth.

 

If I could talk to you once more

Without breaking down and falling to my knees,

So many things left unsaid,

Forever stuck in my throat.

 

I’ve learned that sometimes

The pain is so strong,

It’s easier to live with the ache

Than face you one more time.

 

perfectlonelyworld

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Drifting Away

19 Mar

We used to be so close. We’d barely go a day without talking to each other. Now, we hardly speak, and when we do, the conversation’s strained and unnatural. I can feel us drifting apart. I can see us getting farther and farther away from each other. I know that if I tried, if I reached out a hand, maybe I could still save it, and pull us together again. But I don’t. Because when I try, there’s no response. I text you, but you don’t answer.  I muster up the courage to call your number, but it goes straight to voicemail. And after, I feel embarrassed. Embarrassed to be naïve enough to think it could go back to the way it used to be. Embarrassed that you seem to have moved on while I, I’m still stuck on the same path you left me on. I see you sometimes, with other people, laughing, and I’m saddened by the sight. A wave of nostalgia washes over me, and I can’t help but remember all the times you’d laugh like that when we were together. Or how I could talk to you after a long, hard day and everything would suddenly become a whole lot better. I guess I just miss you. But in the end, I’m too tired to try to get you back. And maybe you don’t even notice it, but I do. I notice the cracks on the ground where we stand. I notice the wrinkles that have formed on the fabric. And I want to hold you close to me. But instead, I let go, and watch you drift farther and farther away.

 

perfectlonelyworld

Meant To Be

20 Feb

It’s been two years since

Most have moved on

But you’re still living

Like it was yesterday

 

You blame yourself for what happened,

Never letting go

Thinking you could have stopped it

But you’ve got to know

 

[Chorus]

It’s not your fault,

You’re not to blame

And maybe someday, somewhere

You’ll see it was meant to be

Some things are just meant to happen

No matter how bad they are

Someday you’ll look back and see

It was meant to be

 

You’ve got the weight of the world on your shoulders

Weighing you down

‘Til you’re just a puddle after the hurricane

You’ve got to know

 

[Chorus]

It’s not your fault,

You’re not to blame

And maybe someday, somewhere

You’ll see it was meant to be

Some things are just meant to happen

No matter how bad they are

Someday you’ll look back and see

It was meant to be

 

I just wish you’d realize

There are some things we can’t change

If you’d look a little closer

If you’d open your eyes and see

Yeah I know it’ll hurt the most

And yeah, I know you loved her

But it’s already over

 

It was never your fault

Stop blaming yourself

Someday, somewhere

Open your eyes and see it was meant to be

Some things just have to happen

Even if they hurt

Someday you’ll see

It was meant to be

It was meant to be

 

perfectlonelyworld

The House That Built Me

15 Feb

The one with the red bricks,

Window at the front

The one with the giant tree,

That’s the house that built me.

 

The house with the rock,

Mighty and round

Sitting at the corner,

On the lawn of the house that built me.

 

The one with the squeaky gate,

And a driveway the colour of night

The one with the crooked pathway

It’s the house that built me.

 

The house with the most Life,

Love, laughter and joy,

It might be lacking in wealth,

But it’s the house that built me.

 

I will never forget,

The times I spent there

For it will always be

The house that built me.

 

perfectlonelyworld

Grandma

7 Feb

Here’s what I remember:

Her rocking my sister to sleep in her arms while singing a song.

Going to the store with her to buy Cheetos.

Hearing her tell me stories about when I was a baby before going to sleep.

Watching the back of her deep red coat become smaller and smaller as she went past security at the airport.

Her standing in front of the window while pouring herself some tea in furry light blue pajamas.

Sitting on the couch with her, watching TV show after TV show.

Going to a fancy restaurant to celebrate her birthday.

Her sitting on the reclining seat in the bedroom every morning, reading the newspaper.

Her and my sister walking around the house, arms swinging, like they had all the time in the world.

Going shopping and her buying me little mementos.

Her crying as we leave for the airport and my mom promising that we’ll see her again.

Here’s what I don’t remember:

The last thing I said to her before we left.

Me telling her that I love her.

 

perfectlonelyworld

RIP Grandma

5 Feb

A moment. A moment in time. A moment in time that can change everything. It can change your life for the better. Or this moment can turn your life upside down. It’s only a moment, yet it’s so much more than just that.

At 5:28, I was reading a book. A really good, interesting book. My phone started to vibrate. I had gotten an email. The moment I opened that email, at 5:29, everything changed. The time between 5:28 and 5:29 was my last moment not knowing. My last moment n0t knowing  that my Grandma, my dear, beloved Grandma, had passed away. It was the moment that changed everything.

My Grandmother has been sick for a while now. Almost 5 years, to be exact. And I guess I’ve always known that this moment would come. But I never let myself think about it. I never let myself dwell on that thought. And I never thought it would be so soon. February 5, 2013. 1:55.

What was I doing at 1:55? I was in school. It was last period. I had Science. I didn’t know what had happened. I couldn’t have. And now that I do know, I don’t know which is worse. Knowing, and being in pain, or never knowing.

I have many regrets. The biggest one is that I never got to say goodbye. I never got to say ‘I love you’ one more time. I never got to see her one last time. I haven’t seen her in more than 4 years. I haven’t talked to her in more than 4 years. And now, now it’s too late. It’s too late for her to teach me how to knit. It’s too late for her to tell me stories about her childhood. It’s too late for everything. It’s too late to say goodbye.

Grandma, I haven’t said this to you since I was a baby. So I’ll say it now. I love you. Even if the last time I saw you, I was angry. Even if the last time I saw you, I was frustrated. I hope that you knew that through it all, I never stopped loving you. I never stopped caring. I love you. And I miss you.

 

perfectlonelyworld

Will you love me?

22 Jan

Will you love me,

If I told you

That I’m broken inside?

Will you love me,

If I showed you

How ugly I am?

Will you love me,

If I gave you

The biggest surprise of your life?

I’m not perfect.

 

perfectlonelyworld